This whole time, I've kept thinking about Seth Rogen's line in "This is the End" when Jay Baruchel asks what he means by, "I'm on a cleanse."
The weed part is irrelevant because I live in a state where it's illegal, so it's not part of my life. The drinking, though - that line always resonated with me because Rogen says that abstaining from mind-altering substances is "psychotic". As if trying to face reality without a chemical crutch is something only a truly insane person would attempt.
There's a lot of pro-alcoholic subtext in the culture of the United States, among many others. Granted, Rogen's character is (spoilers) characterized later in the movie as a cowardly, unreliable person (no disrespect to the real Seth Rogen). Still, that joke wouldn't land if it weren't a true statement for a lot of people. The fact that I've been able to carry on without alcohol for an entire month, especially given the level of stress I've been under looking for employment...I'll be honest, it feels really badass.
There's a lot of pro-alcoholic subtext in the culture of the United States, among many others. Granted, Rogen's character is (spoilers) characterized later in the movie as a cowardly, unreliable person (no disrespect to the real Seth Rogen). Still, that joke wouldn't land if it weren't a true statement for a lot of people. The fact that I've been able to carry on without alcohol for an entire month, especially given the level of stress I've been under looking for employment...I'll be honest, it feels really badass.
A lot of society is built around the assumption that people can drink. We're conditioned to ostracize people who willingly choose to abstain from drinking. It's not just a cultural hallmark or an emotional crutch. It's the activity much of our social routines center around.
While some of it certainly isn't a bad thing, it is an incredibly slippery slope. I'm in a better position now to appreciate that than I have in at least 7 years.
I made it past my last weekend for the experiment, once again stone sober. The experiment itself is up in two more days.
I made it past my last weekend for the experiment, once again stone sober. The experiment itself is up in two more days.
What I learned:
Video games are my anti-drug (or in this case, anti-booze). Every time during this experiment that I'd get hit with a craving for something alcoholic, I'd just open "Civilization" or start playing "Majora's Mask" until I was sucked in. Hours would go by and I wouldn't even notice. More than anything else, video games helped me get through this experiment with relative ease.
I noticed that while sober, I've been assessing whether I want to go to social events differently. A lot of social situations revolve around alcohol when you're an adult. Abstaining as I was, I felt more reluctant to go to certain social events because I knew I'd feel pressure to drink, if not from others, from my own inner desire to experience either the tastes or physical sensations that alcohol provides. I can only imagine how conscientious non-drinkers, let alone recovering alcoholics, deal with this kind of thing on a regular basis. I've gained an even greater respect for deliberately-sober people for this reason.
Also, I learned that kombucha is apparently a great substitute for beer. There are even ones that taste extra hoppy.
I've also re-discovered my love for decaffeinated green tea. My kidneys are healthy as fuck, y'all.
Video games are my anti-drug (or in this case, anti-booze). Every time during this experiment that I'd get hit with a craving for something alcoholic, I'd just open "Civilization" or start playing "Majora's Mask" until I was sucked in. Hours would go by and I wouldn't even notice. More than anything else, video games helped me get through this experiment with relative ease.
I noticed that while sober, I've been assessing whether I want to go to social events differently. A lot of social situations revolve around alcohol when you're an adult. Abstaining as I was, I felt more reluctant to go to certain social events because I knew I'd feel pressure to drink, if not from others, from my own inner desire to experience either the tastes or physical sensations that alcohol provides. I can only imagine how conscientious non-drinkers, let alone recovering alcoholics, deal with this kind of thing on a regular basis. I've gained an even greater respect for deliberately-sober people for this reason.
Also, I learned that kombucha is apparently a great substitute for beer. There are even ones that taste extra hoppy.
I've also re-discovered my love for decaffeinated green tea. My kidneys are healthy as fuck, y'all.
Going Forward:
Once I get my car fixed, I plan on becoming a lift driver to get extra income, in addition to my two part-time jobs in the city (which I just accepted last week).
Driving at "Peak Times", as in late Friday and Saturday nights, means increased rates, which means more money for Matt. Since I anticipate it'll be easier to lay off alcohol for a night, this means I'll have the option to drive drunk people around for money when rates are highest.
The earnings of which I will first use to pay off debts (like my auto loan), and then to invest in things I want or need, like recording equipment.
...I am looking forward to drinking again. I will admit that as the end of the month draws ever closer, I find myself counting the days. This time though, I'm looking forward to casual/social drinking (1-2 beers) most of all.
I don't know if I ever posted my previous level of drinking before. Before this experiment, I was drinking an average of 4-5 days per week. Some of those days were heavier than others, but I would usually have at least 1-2 drinks on each of those days, if not more. By "drink", I'm referring to a "standard" drink - one 12 oz beer, one glass of wine, and cocktails with one 1.5 oz shot of liquor.
To me, this experiment wasn't simply me trying to see if I could go a month without drinking. It's been all about clearing the slate and starting over. I still like being able to drink, and I intend to keep enjoying that ability. Now, I believe I'll be able to do so even more because now that I've successfully abstained for so long, I've taken more firm control of it.
Lower tolerance means I will need less alcohol to get drunk. This means that I'll need to watch myself with greater diligence when I'm drinking. It also means I'll have the confidence to tell myself, "I'm good", without worrying that my buzz will wear off. Which makes me less likely to succumb to the "ahhhhh, what's one more gonna hurt?" mentality. Which means I'm a damn sight farther away from ending up like Pickles the Drummer.
I will admit, I'm a little worried that having freedom to do it again will make me barrel into binge drinking. Or, that the experiment hasn't changed me at all, and I'll continue drinking with the same frequency I did before. I'm sure it's an exaggeration, given my penchant for overthinking things. Still, I think it's a healthy, smart thought to keep in the back of my head going forward.
This experiment was challenging, and I feel extreme pride that I saw it through. Yet, that's not the most valuable thing I got out of it. The best thing about it is, it's re-framed my entire attitude towards not just drinking, but myself and society as a whole.
It can be hard to realize just how much of your life drinking affects when you're used to being able to drink whenever you want. Not all of it's bad, but a lot of it can be. It can get in the way of enjoying things you can do to make money, things that you may enjoy that don't require, or are better off without, booze.
It's not a hopeless situation, though. For most of us, there's room for both.
Hitting the reset button every once in awhile works. Take it from me.
Once I get my car fixed, I plan on becoming a lift driver to get extra income, in addition to my two part-time jobs in the city (which I just accepted last week).
Driving at "Peak Times", as in late Friday and Saturday nights, means increased rates, which means more money for Matt. Since I anticipate it'll be easier to lay off alcohol for a night, this means I'll have the option to drive drunk people around for money when rates are highest.
The earnings of which I will first use to pay off debts (like my auto loan), and then to invest in things I want or need, like recording equipment.
...I am looking forward to drinking again. I will admit that as the end of the month draws ever closer, I find myself counting the days. This time though, I'm looking forward to casual/social drinking (1-2 beers) most of all.
I don't know if I ever posted my previous level of drinking before. Before this experiment, I was drinking an average of 4-5 days per week. Some of those days were heavier than others, but I would usually have at least 1-2 drinks on each of those days, if not more. By "drink", I'm referring to a "standard" drink - one 12 oz beer, one glass of wine, and cocktails with one 1.5 oz shot of liquor.
To me, this experiment wasn't simply me trying to see if I could go a month without drinking. It's been all about clearing the slate and starting over. I still like being able to drink, and I intend to keep enjoying that ability. Now, I believe I'll be able to do so even more because now that I've successfully abstained for so long, I've taken more firm control of it.
Lower tolerance means I will need less alcohol to get drunk. This means that I'll need to watch myself with greater diligence when I'm drinking. It also means I'll have the confidence to tell myself, "I'm good", without worrying that my buzz will wear off. Which makes me less likely to succumb to the "ahhhhh, what's one more gonna hurt?" mentality. Which means I'm a damn sight farther away from ending up like Pickles the Drummer.
 |
| From the show "Metalocalypse", Pickles the Drummer is the drummer of a fictional metal band, "Dethklok". He is a multi-billionaire who claims to have done so many drugs, he's immune to "pretty much everything". He's also a severe alcoholic who's only functional due to the general ease of his lifestyle caused by his enormous wealth, and his bandmates...all of whom are just as shithoused as Pickles is on a regular basis. |
I will admit, I'm a little worried that having freedom to do it again will make me barrel into binge drinking. Or, that the experiment hasn't changed me at all, and I'll continue drinking with the same frequency I did before. I'm sure it's an exaggeration, given my penchant for overthinking things. Still, I think it's a healthy, smart thought to keep in the back of my head going forward.
This experiment was challenging, and I feel extreme pride that I saw it through. Yet, that's not the most valuable thing I got out of it. The best thing about it is, it's re-framed my entire attitude towards not just drinking, but myself and society as a whole.
It can be hard to realize just how much of your life drinking affects when you're used to being able to drink whenever you want. Not all of it's bad, but a lot of it can be. It can get in the way of enjoying things you can do to make money, things that you may enjoy that don't require, or are better off without, booze.
It's not a hopeless situation, though. For most of us, there's room for both.
Hitting the reset button every once in awhile works. Take it from me.
Comments
Post a Comment