Faye

I don't know how it happened. I don't know why it happened – yet every person I've dated for the past few years…I don't know how she did it – it always turned out to be her.

Sometimes she was blonde or a redhead. Sometimes she had dimples. Sometimes she was shy, sometimes totally indiscreet and forward. Sometimes she was great in bed – sometimes not so much. Each time, her name was different.

No matter who she disguised herself as it would always turn out to be her. Somehow, it was always "Faye."

I first met Faye when I was twenty-three. I was working at a small PC repair shop fixing hardware for a living. She was allegedly still an undergrad. She had strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes. She had the slightest overbite, which I found super cute. I'd never taken a woman home from a bar before.

That night was mostly a blur, but what I remember wasn't just the sex and booze. It was almost like a spiritual experience. It was as though our bodies spoke to each other for the first time in a language I thought only I spoke. We folded together like we were made for each other. It was unlike anything I'd felt before. She made me feel more alive than I’d ever felt. I would give almost anything to feel like that again.

Almost.

One night, she'd told me she was into witchcraft. She read me tarot cards, talked about crystals and healing energy…I remember thinking, okay, she's one of those people. I didn't want to judge her, I told myself. Whatever weird stuff she was into, I wouldn't begrudge her.

She told me one night she wanted to try "something new." I told her I trusted her.

She tied me up and blindfolded me. She said she'd be right back – that the waiting would heighten things. I was actually getting pretty excited until I heard a sharp, metallic sound…

I wiggled the blindfold off just in time for Faye to appear in the doorway…

…only it didn't look like Faye. Not exactly. I don't know what she was, what she is. Her body looked human enough. Same collarbone, shoulders, same waist and hips I'd come to know with great intimacy. Her face was the only thing different, but it was so different. It kept getting more different. I swear on my soul, her face was changing.

Her eyes, her lips, her hair, the shape of her skull, the color of her skin kept shifting and changing so quickly her features blurred all together. Like a television screen flipping through every channel. I don't know how else to describe it…she had a million faces and no one face at the same time.

In her hand was a huge, curved knife.

I panicked. Somehow, I don't remember how, I struggled until I was free and escaped from my own apartment.

I found my way to a friend's house, where I stayed the night. In the morning I was too scared to go back to my apartment, so I stayed another. I didn't sleep much. I couldn't stop looking out the window. I had a panic attack every time there was a knock at the door.

I swore I would never let my guard down again.

I went to the police, but Faye had disappeared. I told them where she lived – I had been over at her place a few times. Turns out, "Faye's" apartment belonged to a woman who had disappeared about a week before I started seeing Faye. Her body was found in a ditch outside of the city. I have slept with a murderer on her victim's bed.

I tried to continue a normal life. I moved to a new apartment. I changed jobs. I changed phones. I made a new Facebook account with a different name, one that was harder to search. Eventually, after years and lots of therapy, I was ready to date again.

I started seeing someone new – Beverly. She was a nursing student. She loved hip hop and scary movies. She had blonde, curly hair and brown eyes. For months, everything went really well between us.

Beverly had mentioned she was concerned about my unwillingness to talk about my past, especially my dating history. She kept trying to get me to open up, but I would always change the subject. I could tell it annoyed her. We started getting into arguments about it. She became more distant, and I knew I was about to lose her. I didn’t want to lose her.

She was just worried about me. She was just doing what people do in normal relationships. I wasn’t going to let Faye ruin it for me.

I told her we could talk, but she had to be patient with me. I’d never shared it with anyone before. She said she was there for me, and I could take all the time I needed.

I started at the beginning. I’d met Faye at a bar, but I was too shy to ask for her number. It was weird, but we kept bumping into each other after that – at the library, at the gas station…once on the street. It was maybe the fourth or fifth time we met that I finally worked up the courage to ask her out.

I told her about the last night I saw her. Beverly’s eyebrows curled when I described hearing the sound of the knife, the hopeless feeling of being stuck in the restraints as she approached…her face…

Beverly gave me a hug. She was warm. I felt safe with her. Finally, for one moment I didn’t feel scared. I had forgotten what that felt like.

Then she asked me what the woman’s name was. I told her.

“Her name is Faye.”

At first, she didn’t react. Then I saw her eyes light up. She started laughing, first a hearty chuckle, and then it got more intense. She was cackling. She was laughing so loud, it hurt my ears. I kept waiting for her to stop, but she kept laughing.

Her laughter became so intense, it seemed almost painful. If she was in pain, she seemed to enjoy it.

“You said it!” she cried, practically sobbing with laughter. “YOU SAID IT.”

I couldn’t believe it.

“YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT!”

I ran as fast as I could. I didn’t even put my shoes on.

So it went for years. It was harder and harder each time to trust people enough to let them into my life. Lightning probably wouldn't strike the same place a third time, right? Well, it did. I mean, it almost did – though I guess I don't even really know if it was her. I'm pretty sure, though. We were talking about bands we liked, and she said something the first version of Faye said a lot…I think it was a philosophy quote? I wouldn't know…"without music, life would be a mistake." That was it. Faye had said it more than a few times. I guess it could have been a coincidence? I think it's supposed to be a pretty common quote, so it may have been a coincidence. If it was, I may have dipped out on someone who may have been a normal person for no reason. I feel like a dick when I think about it that way. I wondered if I should try to reach out to her, apologize for disappearing, hope she would understand, but of course, she wouldn't…who would believe me if I told them? How could I explain without sounding crazy? Plus, at that point, I wasn't going to risk it. It was just as likely to be a coincidence as it was Faye mocking me, dangling a smoking gun right in front of my face, knowing I would either not notice, or question my own sanity to the extent that I wouldn't dare see straight through her. Not if I wanted to hold on to the hope of ever escaping her and living my life again. She knows me too well.

I thought the last one was different. She really put up a hell of a charade with that…form, or whatever it was. I really thought it wasn't her…but then she said that goddamn quote and my brain sank into my stomach and all I could think about was that last night with Beverly. I bet she thought I wouldn't notice. Or maybe she knew I would, but she wanted me to question…she wanted me to drive myself crazy wondering…

I don't care about feeling lonely anymore. I just didn't want her to find me again...but she has.

She always does.

Someone, anyone who finds this…I want someone to know what happened to me. She's outside, I've seen her. It's got to be her. She's standing under a pine tree just over a hundred yards away. She's been there for around two hours now. It's dark, and she's someone new again, but it's definitely her. She's got black hair now, and blue eyes.

Please, tell someone, anyone. Tell everyone you can. I just want someone to know what happened. I don't want this to happen to an

oh god

the window